Techies aren’t usually known for being unemployed. With so many companies constantly in need of skilled workers, there is a definite difference in the employability of a programmer or system administrator, and that of many other workers jockeying for jobs in other sectors. However, anything can happen, and a tech guru can lose a job for a number of reasons—the apocalypse being a very valid one.
The following are a few things the displaced workers can do to bide their time until the light warriors reseal the dimensions, ensuring gainful employment for tech-savvy geniuses again.
1. Build a Business of His or Her Own
Come on, how hard can it be? Every other techie is starting a business, and who wants to be left out? Starting a business is one of the easiest things in the world when you’re unemployed. All you do is tell people you’re an entrepreneur, and it gives you carte blanche to lay around all day “strategizing” and “writing your business plan.”
While you can actually work on finding a need, seeing if people both can and will pay for it and constructing a solution to this problem, that is pretty involved. Some of the best companies ever have come about because of unemployed people actually taking action, but it’s not nearly as easy as the rest of these ideas.
2. Read Moby Dick
There’s nothing like being unemployed to make you want to read a book on revenge. Bonus points if you watch “The Wrath of Kahn” and practice some of the quotes Khan says in the mirror a few hundred times.
In seriousness, a few good books are a great way to develop a little culture. You can learn a lot about the human condition and even get smarter by reading, and it doesn’t cost anything.
3. Try to Get a Date
Okay, gorgeous, fun-loving geeks. Since you don’t have a job, now is the perfect time to wow the opposite sex. Move over Casanova, because this is your time to go on the prowl.
You can demonstrate that you’re a happenin’ person by sending extremely long messages in the middle of the day, because hot gurus make it really obvious that they have nothing better to do with their time than talk endlessly while most people are working.
The danger of this online dating thing is that, at some point, the pursued person might want to meet you in person. Plan ahead in case you’ve “embellished” any part of your past, your physique or your socioeconomic status.
4. Sell Some Things on eBay
Being unemployed is the best time ever to begin thinking in terms the Buddha would approve of. Disconnect from your worldly possessions, give Miss Cleo a ring, and ask what you should keep and what you should part with. At this point you’ll be ready to go on eBay and start selling everything but your door knobs. Sell the door knobs if you can!
The average eBay seller makes over $100,000 a month, so you should quickly be on your way to living just like the folks on those late night infomercials.
5. Look for Another Job
Looking for a job is a little bit risky, since you can only get four jobs in your lifetime before you explode into pint-sized penguins. Well, that won’t really happen, but you’ll get some great medicines if you convince your therapist you actually think that.
When you look for a job, make sure to look for something fun that will also be financially rewarding. Some great ideas for a techie include being a cowboy, being an astronaut and being an international man of mystery. Or you could just apply to practice your original trade.
6. Take an Online Class
Online classes are great for a lot of reasons. For one, they expand your job skills in most cases. For another, you can learn valuable abilities in case Armageddon really does happen, such as forestry or gun-smiting.
Within a short time, you can move from being a simple nerd to being Mad Max’s body guard, or even a ranger like Aragorn from the Lord of the Rings. Yes, they have classes in being that awesome.
Being employed was a sad part of your life you went through to become unemployed. However, when a techie is unemployed, the world becomes his oyster.
If you’re reading this for a friend, send it to him as a public service. If it’s for “a friend” who is really just you with a stupid accent, man up and relish your unemployment! If you play your cards right, you may never have a job again.