Health? Who ever heard of that nonsense! You can sleep when you’re dead! You’ve got lines of code to do and deadlines to meet, and that involves staying awake. While you might be able to run ten Unix servers in your sleep, the boss probably wouldn’t approve of that.
While it would definitely be nice to just hook yourself up to an IV draining off of a 50 gallon drum of pure caffeine, there are several reasons why that’s a bad idea. For one thing, in this day and age, somebody would probably mistake your fix for a bomb.
The following is a list of exotic and interesting, but still doable, ways to get your fix and stay awake for another 24 hours or so, keeping you in the game next time you’re ‘wired in’ for a deadline that seems impossible.
Caffeinated Maple-Bacon Lollipop
Sometimes, you just don’t have the time (or a good WiFi signal) to go into your kitchen and actually pour yourself some coffee, or grab an energy drink. Nowadays, you don’t have to do that, even at breakfast time! You’ve got bugs to fix, and this is your ticket to having uninterrupted power to do just that.
With the maple-bacon lollipop, you just unwrap the lollipop, and you get maple syrup’s sweet succulence coupled with the meaty goodness of bacon. And it’ll help you stay up with its jolt of caffeine. Plus, you can use the stick to mark off time, in case you have to be somewhere outside at some point – like that ever happens.
Biofuel Gourmet Caffeinated Popcorn
This is almost dangerous—if you care about things like your ridiculous corporeal form. If you’re not afraid to shed that annoying mortal coil, get yourself about 20 bags of this unbelievably tasty kettle corn from heaven.
Each bag of this stuff has both a ton of deliciousness and roughly two energy drinks’ worth of caffeine in it. If you think a good double feature is the Star Wars trilogy (Episodes four through six) followed by the Monty Python trilogy (Meaning of Life, Life of Brian and Holy Grail), this is the popcorn you should be munching on throughout.
Hyper-Caffeinated Coffee-Flavored Marshmallows
Have you ever fantasized about being able to drop your caffeine with pit crew-like efficiency? Grab yourself a pack of these delicious, coffee-flavored marshmallows, and experience the pure efficiency of delicious bliss. Two of the three in each pack have 200 mg of caffeine apiece while the third packs a whopping 280 mg in itself.
Eating all three of these is a bit like dropping nine cups of coffee. Such a feat can probably be done in less than thirty seconds if you’re feeling ambitious (and just a tad suicidal).
Primer Caffeinated Breath Spray
Does your breath smell bad? Sometime around noon, when you’re six cups of coffee into a new day, your minty freshness may have perished.
Three spritzes is just like your morning cup of java, only with mint flavoring. Forget brushing, which takes time away from your keyboard: get this delicious java-burst, so you can keep on coding until the cows come home!
Caffeinated Perky Jerky
Perky Jerky is the meal you’ve always secretly wanted. If you’ve been gaming, coding, and writing for six hours straight, your physical state will begin to show through a rumbling midsection and a drooping countenance.
If you’re cool with that, it’s fine. But if you aren’t, this guarana-flavored beef jerky is just the thing to assuage your hunger and perk you up like a well slept colleague at nine in the morning.
Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap
As every bonafide nerd knows, good health requires that you bathe between power work sessions. While it might not look like much, this soap actually packs a goodly portion of caffeine, depending on how thoroughly you lather it on. Just please; resist the temptation to start licking the soap—that’s crazy potent.
Spazzstick Caffeinated Lip Balm
There’s nothing worse than cracked lips when you’re finally off work and going out with that cute coder next-door. For those awesome nights when you are off work, you might as well stay awake for it with caffeinated lip balm.
This is great for going clubbing, or even better, pulling an all night LAN party. Imagine how much more successful Zuckerberg would have been if he’d had this lipbalm: he could have stayed tapped-into Facebook for weeks on end!
Summing It Up
There’s just nothing like caffeine. That wonderful stuff lets you do whatever you need to do, only for longer and without that annoying sleep habit getting in your way. When you want to jack up your creativity and turn your motor skills into red-eyed jelly, there’s just nothing better. But who wants to just down energy drinks? Hopefully the above list gave you a few great ideas for being the best ITer you can be.